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That is not fair! No way! Oh, actually…

This week I’ve been reflecting on feedback.

I got some feedback last week that stung. I wasn’t expecting it and in the moment I felt defensive and cross.

And the feedback was completely valid.

It is this, the ego-driven, knee-jerk reaction, that often stops us from giving feedback. We don’t want to upset people. We don’t want to trigger that response. We might end up in a disagreement or ruin a relationship. These are the fears that block the way to honest conversations.

Because, whilst in the moment I was feeling defensive and cross, it didn’t take long for me to step back, assess the validity of the feedback and take on board the learning. That feedback has now helped me to do a better job.

Being able to give and receive feedback takes courage and resilience on both sides of the table. Brene Brown talks about the difference between armoured and daring leadership and this really resonated with me.

My response was armoured. It was shame driven – I’m not good enough, I’ve failed, I’m a fool. None of that was true and it was not what the feedback was saying at all. But somewhere deep within me the shame was stirred. Once we can see it and name it, we can make a choice about how we respond.

The reaction is what the reaction is, the response is yours to choose.

When does your armour slide on? What triggers the defensive response in you? And, with that knowledge, what choices might you want to make when you can feel the armour pressing on your chest?

|| Caroline Doran || Coach | Facilitator | Trainer || Book a call here ||


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